


Breaking The Rules

by cb150681, VSLDVIVI, Youknowitall



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cb150681/pseuds/cb150681, https://archiveofourown.org/users/VSLDVIVI/pseuds/VSLDVIVI, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youknowitall/pseuds/Youknowitall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Me and @Youknowitall got inspired by Jesse Lee Soffer and his partnership with Harley Davidson, when he posted a pic of him on his bike and that was what came out. Youknowitall got the idea and we wrote it together. We needed a bad guy so we chose Kelly Serevide just because we love him too.</p><p> </p><p>The smoke and the awful smell hung in the air, hitting her nostrils like a signal flare as the stench drifted through her body. She fought back the horrid gag at her throat as the stench reached the growing pit in her stomach. Her mouth curled into a tight frown when she opened the door. She was so damn tired of coming back to that filthy bar almost every day, but Kelly loved that place more than he loved their home. Truth to be told she was tired of him too. He was always drunk and most days so high that he that he wouldn’t even notice his own girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> @youknowitall you know i love working with you

The smoke and the awful smell hung in the air, hitting her nostrils like a signal flare as the stench drifted through her body. She fought back the horrid gag at her throat as the stench reached the growing pit in her stomach. Her mouth curled into a tight frown when she opened the door. She was so damn tired of coming back to that filthy bar almost every day, but Kelly loved that place more than he loved their home. Truth to be told she was tired of him too. He was always drunk and most days so high that he that he wouldn’t even notice his own girlfriend.

  
She had been there. Unfortunately not less than one year ago, that was her life. Drunk by nine in the morning and high by lunch with no money for food, bills by the yard, and an address that was supposed to resemble a home.

  
She’d met Kelly that way drunk as a skunk and higher than a kite. He had lots of money, she really didn’t understand from where but he had money and at that time in her life she needed it. The fact that he was also pretty hot and had beautiful blue eyes were the reason she fell for him as she saw him sitting at the counter of that filthy bar.

  
They started dating really quickly and two months later they were living together in an apartment that Kelly had somewhere in the suburbs.The amount of guys that passed through that house made her give up on the cleaning process.  
　  
One day she had an overdose and that was the day she stopped using. When Kelly saw her in the ambulance he decided to stop too. They both had been clean for six month, but then Kelly fell off the wagon, first with the booze and then with the drugs.

  
She’d managed to resist, but everyday left her questioning why? Why stay with him? Why let her life fall to pieces? Why did she love somebody who was never going to change? The answer was always the same. In the end she knew she stayed not out of the emotion of love or even empathy. She stayed out of complete and utter pity.

  
She saw him leaving the bathroom, when she saw his eyes she knew what he had done. “Again? " She asked upset.

  
“What do you want? If you don’t like it leave! "As always Kelly was being an ass.

  
She just turned her back on him, preparing herself to leave.

  
“Wait!" He hugged her from behind and kissed her neck. “I’m sorry."

  
She nodded in agreement with slumped shoulders and a soft sigh. Slowly they resumed their normal routine as he once more dragged her back down to the dust covered stool.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

It was late afternoon when Jay got to a bar somewhere outside of Chicago, with his Harley Davidson Model HD Roadster. He made his dream come true and bought himself one. He thought that he wouldn’t make it out of Afghanistan but he did and now that he was free and without a job or a family to get back to, he wanted to see the country he was fighting for. So one morning a few weeks ago, he drove into the newly dawning day and didn’t look back.

  
The way the wind felt against his skin and through his hair made him forget what he’d seen in his third tour. He was grateful for that. It hadn’t been pretty and he was desperate to forget it all. This bike and the sound of it gave him something he hadn’t felt in a long time, freedom.  
　  
He got of his black bike and went inside. The sun was shining high in the sky and that was why he decided to drink his beer outside. He sat on his bike again, with the beer in his hand as he took a meandering look around. The bar was old school and pretty dirty, on the inside and on the outside. A lot of bikes were parked in front with the riders leaning against them in deep conversation probably about the engines of their “hogs”. It all seemed really quiet and really peaceful. His eyes met with a red Ducati Monster, the colour was so bright that he was drawn to look at it. A man sat on it talking to some guy, the conversation seemed heated. Jay tried not to look at them but the girl who sat behind the man on the beautiful bike seemed to be scared.  
　  
All he could tell was that she had long brown hair that hung down over her shoulder blades in waves. She wore a thin red leather jacket. Her body was rigid and her jaw tight as her thin, perfect fingers dug at her partner’s waist. She looked raw, her nerves displayed over her pale, ivory skin as her throat constricted. Jay had to keep his cool but the knuckles around his beer were turning white. He wasn’t one to look the other way but he knew he had to hold himself back. He was not here for a fight, he was here to find his peace and his freedom. He reminded himself of it and looked the other way.

  
That was until he heard a scream. His head snapped up and when he saw the girl on the floor next to the bike he saw red.

  
He marched over there and took the black haired man by his collar. Seconds turned to milliseconds before had time to react. Jay had punched him three times and then pressed his head to the dirty ground, as the other man stood there gapping at the blood stained ground. He didn’t say anything he just held him down. Far away he heard more screams and when he came to, he noticed that someone was pulling him back by the hem of his dark shirt.

  
He reacted without thinking and pulled him over his back to the ground next to the other one. He felt long hair on his skin and as he looked down he felt shock overtake him. Jay stepped back with his hands in the air. “What are you doing? You almost killed him and me. What is your problem?" He heard her scream at him.

  
Guilt spread through his body. He couldn't believe what he’d just done. As fast as he could he got on his bike and started the engine. Small hands were holding him back so he responded by turning around to look at her.  
　  
“Wait." She said softly. “I have to apologize; I know you were just trying to help me." She said her eyes warm on him. Before he could say something she continued. “I’m Erin. Thank you for stepping in for me, but please never do that again ok? I can handle myself, always have and always will." She finished with taking a long breath and a smile light curve on her lips.

  
“I’m Jay. I’m sorry I tackled you to the ground, I thought..." “You thought I was a big bad man who was going to fight you. I get it don’t worry." She finished for him. He just nodded and was about to leave when her grip on his arm tightened. His head snapped back and he looked at her again questioningly.

  
“Want to ride with me?" Jay asked.

  
“I’m sorry I can’t, I have to take care of my boyfriend who you so nicely punched." She said cocky.

  
“Ok, but then you have to let me go." He pointed on her hand which was still on his arm.

  
“Oh right." She let go of it. “I’m sorry." She said and stepped away from the bike to give him some space.

  
“Do I get to see you again?" She asked as he was about to drive off.

  
Jay stopped again. “Do you want that?" He asked pretty surprised but with a big smile on his face.

  
“No, Yes, maybe. I have to go now. It was nice to meet you…" “Jay." He said for her. “It was nice to meet you Jay, and thanks for stepping in before. Although I didn’t need your help I appreciate it." She winked at him as he finally and without another word drove off.

  
He found a small motel near the bar and decided it would be best to stay here over night. After what had happened earlier he didn’t think it would be good to drive. He felt bad. His guilt was coming back hunting him in waves.

  
He got rid of his clothes that were now covered in dust and dirt from the ground in front of the bar. He hoped that a shower would help him calm down but he knew it wouldn’t.  
He couldn’t believe he’d almost killed them, both of them. He blamed the other buffoon for not looking after his girl and her because he thought it was another man who was helping the other guy. He almost put his hand around her neck; he would have if not for her amazing feminine voice. His body was shaking, the water had run cold as he attempted to wash the guilt away.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Erin went back inside the bar. Kelly was sitting there, talking to a friend. When he saw her come in she instantly felt his mood change and she felt scared. She made her way over to him anyway, knowing it would only make it worse if she didn’t.

  
“Hey babe." He said and opened her arms for her. Erin smiled at him and stepped into his embrace. She didn’t feel comfortable but she hid it as well as she could. She looked at him, smiling.

  
“Hey where were you?" Kelly asked tightening his grip on her.

  
“Outside, for a walk. I needed some fresh air." She lied.

  
"Glad that you’re back. I missed you." Kelly said placing a kiss on her cheek.

  
"I missed you too.She knew he still didn’t believe her so she kissed him as passionately as she could without throwing up. His tongue found hers and she let him have the dominance.  
　  
He grabbed her butt cheeks and pulled her closer to him. She tried to get away from him gently. "Kelly we’re in the bar we have an audience!" She whispered.

  
He laughed at her and started kissing around her ear and asked in a sassy tone, "And since when do you care about that?"

  
This wasn't going to be easy. He kept his hands all over her making her more and more uncomfortable. "Kelly!!" She said a little too loud, now every head in the bar was looking over to them.

  
"Ok let's go outside then." He said with his face layered in her neck. He grabbed her hand and walked her to the back of the bar and outside into the darkening evening. The backyard was full of trash, beer cans and big cans that they usually used as fire pits so the drunken bar flies could stay warm while they exchanged drugs and got high. The smell from the filth laden bathrooms window was just above their heads hit her nose, one more reminding her that their audience was far from gone.

  
"You know that we are close to the bathroom, everybody can hear us in there right?"

  
Kelly let out an annoyed sigh, "What's the matter with you today?"

  
She felt the anger going through him, but she didn't care. There was a time that she would have cared about what he thought or wanted but not anymore.He grabbed her butt checks again and started to kiss her neck. Erin felt something in her shift.

  
Without another thought she pushed him off of her.  
She felt completely disconnected to him so when he didn't move, she pushed harder.

  
"What's the matter with you?" He shouted while stepping back.

  
"I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. It's over!" She said with her head held high.

  
Kelly just looked at her with his head lightly tilted to the side. "Come on Erin! What’s wrong?" He asked as he threw his arms up towards the sky to make his slurred words sound more dramatic.

  
"I can't do this anymore. Us I mean. It's not working for me anymore. You're always high and when you are you treat me like shit. And the best part is you don't even care. I don't know why I stayed with you all these years. But now I am done!" Erin’s voice got louder with every word that came out of her mouth.

  
"Erin, come on. You don't mean that." Kelly replied.

  
"Yes I do." ... "Have a nice life. I hope that you get clean again, for your sake." She said as she walked past him with her hand on her cheek wiping away a single tear.

  
"You bitch! YOU DON'T GET TO LEAVE ME!!!!! COME BACK HERE!!!" She heard him shout.

  
She didn't look back, not once.

  
Erin packed her stuff and left as soon as she was finished. She didn't have a car or a bike so she had to walk. It was quite a distance she had to go but she didn't care. She was headed to the motel that she knew always had free rooms and was cheap. It was on the outskirts of the city.

  
She’d already walked half of the route when she heard the sound of a bike coming her way. The bright light of the bike bedazzled her and she had to close her eyes. "Idiot." She thought.

  
The bike was stopping in front of her. She heard the engine go off along with the light. The only thing she could see were stars in front of her eyes. She started to panic a little bit. This was not good, what if Kelly had called his friends so they’d go find her? This was not good at all. She walked backwards. And was about to turn around and run when she heard Jay's voice. "Hey Erin."

  
"Jay?" She asked rubbing her eyes with her hands.

  
"Yes, it's me. What are you doing out here?" He asked concerned.

  
"Walking."

  
"Why?"

  
"Isn't that obvious? Because I haven't got a car, or a motorcycle, or even a bicycle for that matter." She said with a lot of sarcasm in her voice.

  
"I meant why are you walking with a suitcase, late at night." He made a face and pointed to the suitcase she carried behind her.

  
"Because... I am going on holiday.” She said annoyed.

  
He tilted his head to the side and gave her a look. She knew he knew that she’d just lied. Erin rolled her eyes and stepped to the side to walk past him.  
The deep roar of the engine resounded through the air. Erin felt him get closer to her. When he reached her, he slowed down till he was driving at her speed.

  
"Want a ride?"

  
"No!"

  
"I promise I'm not a serial killer."

"Still not interested."

"Where are you headed?"

Erin gave him the shut-up-leave-me-alone look.

"Ok then, have a lovely evening." She heard him say when she heard the other motorcycles coming closer.

Without a word she threw her suitcase into the bushes next to the road and jumped on Jay's Harley. She put her arms around his waist.

"Drive!" She shouted from behind.

He didn't know what just happened so, he looked over his shoulders to meet her worried eyes. He gazed at her questioningly.

"I'll explain later. I promise. Now DRIVE!" She shouted and he did.

They drove into the city, and the further he drove into the city, the more he felt her relax behind him. Her grip loosened a bit but only enough so she wouldn’t fall off if he had to hit the breaks or accelerate.

She had lost track of time. It could have been only ten minutes or two hours by the time he stopped. She got down from the bike and noticed that they were standing in front of the motel she’d been headed to when she’d walked out on Kelly.

They must have come here but on the back road. She smiled slightly and though to herself in amazement, Clever!

"So what was that all about?"

Erin tried to avoid the interrogation and walked away a few meters.

"You said you'd explain. I held up my end of the bargain. Now it's your turn." She heard him say.

Erin turned around to face him. He was right, he’d helped her get away from Kelly's idiotic friends who were looking for her.

"I'm running." She paused. "Well kind of. I broke up with my boyfriend." She added.

"And why did you panic when you heard those bikes approach?" He asked as he stepped closer to her.

"Because I was afraid that they were looking for me." She said sincerely.

"Why would they be looking for you?" He asked not understanding the story she was telling quite yet.

"Because he's a junkie." Her voice was strong and firm. "I was afraid he'd send his friends after me to get me back. But I am not going back. Not this time. He was high when Ileft him so he’s dangerous and not thinking clearly."

  
Her eyes showed the fear she held for her ex boyfriend and Jay felt sorry for her. Sorry that she had to go through something like that. For him she was this perfect little girl who nobody and nothing should hurt. Her words made his blood sing with rage as his fists clenched as his sides.

  
"Why were you with him in the first place?" She heard the anger within his question.

  
"Because I loved him." She simply answered.

  
"Do you still love him?" He asked dead serious.

  
"Not that this would be any of your business, but no I do not." She was about to leave again when she felt his hand gripping her wrist. He twirled her around so she would face him again.

  
"Where are you going?"

  
Erin looked down to where he held her and then back up staring straight back into his eyes. He felt that he had overstepped and let go of her wrist.

  
"None of your fucking business." She said anger singing in her voice.

  
"It's dark and it's getting very late. I'm not leaving you out here all by yourself."

  
"I don't need your help. Now leave me the hell alone." She said.

  
"Not a chance." He replied.

  
"Fine." She threw her hands in the air and walked to his bike.

  
"Just like that?" Jay felt overwhelmed by the change of moods he was facing. He decided it was best to not analyze it and just go with it.

  
Erin shrugged and waited for him to get on the bike in front of her and get back on the road. He handed her his helmet and she put it on thanking him by smiling.

  
"Were too?" She heard him say as he rounded a corner.

  
"To get my suitcase." They said nothing more until Erin walked through the bushes looking for her belongings.

  
"And now how do you want to do this? You can’t take me and the suitcase on the bike." Erin looked a little upset again Jay noticed so he suggested in a soft tone. "Maybe I could take the suitcase to wherever you want to spend the night while you wait at the restaurant down the street until I come back to pick you up. What you think?"

  
She looked at him and studied his posture; she noticed he was being careful and soft with her as to not upset her. But that care made her smile. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was happy that he was there to help at this hour. She felt conflicted when she left the house. She was totally sure that she had to do it. She didn't love Kelly anymore and she needed to leave that destructive way of life behind her but she was also kind of lost.

  
What will she do now? Where will she live? And then this guy shows up... His concern about getting through to her was making her heart practically glow as he stood there doe eyed before her. She wasn't the girl to break up a relationship and then start another in the same day, but she had to admit he was so damn attractive and she felt that there was a connection between them.

  
She couldn't put the finger on it yet but there was something. She looked him straight in thee yes. He was waiting for an answer from her and he was looking at her with a sweet and concerned look that made her somehow feel more confident about her decision. "Ok! That seems to be a good plan. I will wait for you there." She said and pointed to the restaurant down the street.

  
"And where should I take this?" He said and pointed at the suitcase.

  
"Remember that motel that we stopped before? I will stay there for tonight. Then I’ll decide where to go."

  
"Are you sure?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

  
She looked surprised. "Yeah why?"

  
"Oh nothing... just... well that is the place where I'm staying but I believe that's no problem right?" He said as he smiled at her.

  
She looked at him. Now she looked happy. She wondered if there was something going on between them that her brain hadn't caught up to yet.

  
Anyways it was totally ok to be in the same motel. "Yeah no problem. I'm ok with it, aren't you?"

  
"Yeah, yeah. Sure no problem." He said putting the helmet on.

  
She stayed on the street and watched him leave. The moment he was out of sight Erin walked to the small restaurant down the road. She ordered a bacon burger with fries and waited for him to come back.  
　  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 　

 

  
He stopped the engine in front of the reception building and let her get of the bike. He took off his helmet and laid it on the bike with one hand as he rearranged his hair with the other. "Ok so hope you have a good night’s sleep. I'm in room 22 on the second floor if you need anything."

  
She smiled at him. "Ok thank you very much for all your help I really appreciate it." Erin leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.  
He felt her shiver before she pulled back and wondered if she felt it, whatever it was too.

  
He smiled at her gesture and got back to his bike. "Good night Erin." He said as he started the engine and left slowly to park near his room.

  
She saw him leaving the bike and taking the stairs to the second floor like he said he would be.  
She entered the reception building and asked the middle aged lady behind the glass for a free room.  
"Do you have a preference?" She asked Erin nicely. "We have a lot of free rooms."

  
"Yes, second floor near the twenty-second's please." She said smiling to herself. The lady must have remembered the guy who stayed in that room because she was smiling brightly at Erin.

  
"Ok so we have number 24 with a king size bed and number 28 with two queen sized beds. Which do you prefer?" She asked still smiling.

  
She kept her smile and asked for 24. She picked up her bag that she had left in the bag container in the reception building and started walking to the room.  
As she passed by Jay's room she noticed that he still was awake. The TV was on and she could see the bathroom light shone bright. With relief she noticed that her room was opposite of his. Somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was coming her way and she knew, even if she didn't really know Jay, she knew she could trust him. She felt safe in his presence.

  
Before she entered her room, she couldn't help but notice that the curtains from Jay's room moved and she saw a shadow walking around near the window. She entered her room and closed the door. She threw herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling for she didn't know how long. She was exhausted, broken and kind of lost but at the same time kind of excited too. He was in the room next to her. She couldn't but wonder what he was doing. The desire to simply knock on his door was beginning to make her palms sweat.

  
She even got of her bed but when she got to the door she just gave up. Are you crazy? You just finished one lousy relationship and you’re already thinking of another guy without even knowing him? She thought to herself.

  
She turned around and walked toward the bathroom to take a shower. She needed to wash away all the pain and hard feelings from today. The hot water ended far too soon to the point that even she felt her griping was getting a bit annoying. She heard the room phone ringing but she ignored it because no one knew where she was, so probably someone was mistaken. She got out of the shower still complaining about the cold water as she heard a knock on the door.

  
Her heart sped up and a lot of things passed through her head, she thought that maybe Kelly had found her. She went to the small window and very carefully picked trough the curtain to see who was standing at the front of her door. Jay....

  
She opened the door and said in an aggressive tone, "What do you want?" She paused while he just kept looking at her, "I don't want company tonight, so please leave me alone ok?" she pleaded with a small tinge of regret evident in her fairly annoyed voice.

  
He looked concerned. "Sorry I didn't mean to be intrusive but I saw your "friends" outside." He made the quotation symbol with his fingers when he said friends. "And I called your room, but you didn't answer so I got a little concerned about your safety. Maybe I’m being a little to invasive, sorry but you seemed really afraid of those guys earlier so I thought better safe than sorry."

  
She gave him a sign to enter. His shocked eyes made her glance down suddenly to her towel laden body. She blushed and rushed towards her suitcase. He’d managed to unzip the cover and pull out a pair of jeans with a plain looking tank top. She nodded in gratitude and even mouthed a small, “thank you” before she darted past his solid form and into the small steamy bathroom. When she came back he was sitting on her bed with the same concerned look from before.

  
"What?" She asked looking at her outfit. "Not good enough?"

  
He blushed a little. "No... No... sorry it's just... well they are still outside." He said waving his head pointing the window. She crossed the room and slowly moved the curtains to look outside. He was right, those two guys were Kelly's friends and they were looking for her, and she was dumb enough to give her real name to the nice reception lady. She turned her back to go grab her cell phone but she bumped into his strong chest. "Sorry..." She said as she stumbled backwards.

  
"No I'm sorry I was just about to check if they where still here."

"I didn't notice you moving."

He smiled at her. "Military training"

  
She opened her eyes wide. "That explains a lot actually..."

  
"But they are still outside aren't they?" She added as she noticed the serious look on his face.

  
He nodded in agreement. Jay stayed next to the window. Erin stepped closer to him to have a better look of what was going on outside. She stood close to him but he didn't seem to notice. They stayed that way in silence. Erin would feel his body nudge against hers whenever he took a deep breath. Her eyes moved from the window to his face as she gauged the difference between there heights. Finally she coughed, “You’re too tall.”

  
"Do you want me to do something about it?" He asked her.

  
He was really close to her, she could feel his breath and she could feel the attraction between them flowing like electric waves. When she looked outside the guys were in front of her door. They knocked on the door and she started to panic.

  
"Go hide in the bathroom. Close the door and only open it up for me. Understood?" His hand took hers and he squeezed it lightly. Erin nodded her head and rushed over to the small bathroom.

  
Boom Booom Boom .... The door was shaking from the hard knocks. "Erin open the fucking door. Kelly is looking for you."

  
"ERIN" a low voice shouted.

  
Jay opened the door without another thought.

  
Two strange looking guys were standing in front of him. One of them was about to knock again, just as he noticed Jay’s fist stop in mid air. One of them was small with blonde long hair and a long beard. He smelled like motor oil or something Jay couldn't quite place. The other man was older and fat. His heavy leather Jacket hung on his broad shoulders and his arms were crossed in front of his chest.

  
"Who are you?" They asked in unison.

  
"The one who rented this room!" Jay responded angry.

  
"The woman at the reception said that this room was rented to a woman with brown hair." The blonde one said and tried to look past Jay into the room. Jay crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had a hard time containing his anger so he focused on getting rid of those two without letting them know something is up.

  
"I was about to get some sleep, so if you two could keep it quiet, I'd be very grateful." He lifted an eyebrow while he waited for them to answer.

  
"Yes of course, good night sir." Blondy said.

  
Jay closed the door and locked up. He switched off the lights and slowly made his way over to the window. He saw them knocking on his room door but since nobody answered they gave up and left the floor.

  
It had gotten late, and it was dark outside. The moon was hiding behind thick clouds and he knew it was going to rain soon. Somehow that told him that they were finishing looking for Erin for the night. Guys like that didn't drive their bikes in the rain.

  
Jay felt himself relax a little and made his way over to Erin.

  
"You can come out now, they're gone."

  
"Are you sure?" Came her response almost instantly.

  
"Yes." He would have kept her in there all night if it meant that she'd be safe but his gut told him that they were safe for the night.

  
He heard it click and then saw Erin open the door slightly glancing into the room. "I promise, you're safe. I already checked, they left." He said.

  
"Thank you." She said walking to the window to confirm for herself. A few minutes later she had almost forgotten him still standing there next to the bathroom door as she heard him say.

  
"I guess I can leave then."

  
She didn't answer, she instead paced up and down the room. He waited for a reaction from her but he got nothing, so he walked to the door. "If you need something, anything really, please call ok?"

  
Erin stopped in her tracks and eyed him up and down. He was standing there in front of her front door holding the door handle in his right hand. She could tell that he was tired. He was looking at her with something dark in his eyes and Erin felt drawn to it. To him...

  
She closed the gap between them and crashed her lips on his. To say that he was surprised was an understatement but she could feel him adjust to the situation quickly. His tongue floated over her lower lip and all she could do was give him access to feel her completely. A moan escaped her and suddenly she was pressed against the white wooded door.

  
The lack of oxygen parted them. Their heavy breaths were almost in sync as they looked at each other.

  
Jay opened the door trying not to show how much that kiss had affected him. He was about to cross the hallway when he felt her grab his wrist. He smiled to himself as he remembered him doing the same to her earlier that day. He turned around and there she was standing in front of him. Looking up at him, something innocent in her eyes that he'd never seen on her before but somehow knew that it was there. They stood there, not moving, not talking not doing anything.

  
The air between them got thicker and thicker with every second that passed by.

  
Out of nowhere, she jumped him. Her legs around his waist, she felt him grab her ass with his hands to steady her. She kissed him fiercely. Her fingers dug into his skull and then travelled down over his neck. She felt the goosebumbs on his skin and smiled into the kiss.  
Jay laid her down to the bed gently. He took a moment to look at the beautiful woman that was laying beneath him.

  
"What if they're coming back?" Erin's soft voice whispered.

  
"Then I’ll get rid of them." He simply said.

  
"What are you going to do to them?"

  
He smiled at her. "What do you want me to do?"

  
He felt her shift under him. He could see her back arching upwards trying to get his attention back to the task at hand.

  
"How about finishing what you started?" She said sassily.

  
"You mean what you started?" He tilted his head to the side and tried to look at her seriously.

  
"Nope, you started it. Remember the way you looked at me like all of today?" She looked beautiful with her hair lying around her face in waves, watching him with fluttering eyelashes. It felt weightless. It felt good. In this moment Jay knew that he had found the thing he was looking for. He found the one thing that made his soul whole that made him whole. It was her.

  
"Jay?"

  
He looked back at her. "Sorry, I was thinking about something."

  
"Care to share?"

  
"Not yet."

  
He kissed her. His body pressed into hers. She could feel his hands everywhere.

  
Jay was very careful and caring .Jay undressed her and threw her clothes next to the bed on the floor. He hovered over her and looked at her before kissing her again.  
He caressed every inch of her body and memorized every second of it. The way she arched her back upwards when he hit a special spot on her body, or the way she shivered when he blew on her skin. The sounds she made all because of him, became forever lodged in his memories.  
His lips touched every inch of her body. Erin squirmed beneath him, trying to get him where she needed him the most, but he kept his slow torture up.  
Erin shivered under his touch, his kisses reached her inner thighs, she tried to arch her back upwards but Jay pressed her down with only one hand.

  
"Jaaay." Erin moaned loudly into the dark room.

  
Jay suddenly stopped kissing her and held her mouth shut with one of his hands. "Jay what...?" Erin tried to understand what was going on but he pressed his hand even stronger on her mouth. A few seconds later he jumped off of her and tip toed to the door.

  
"Erin get dressed and put on your shoes, I think we’ve got company again. Erin's eyes widened. She jumped off the bed and was quickly dressed. He mentioned for her to be quiet so she moved slowly to where he stood. They both glanced out of the window and saw a man approach while two others waited in the parking lot sitting on their bikes.

  
"Kelly!" She whispered.

  
Jay looked at her, concern showing in his eyes.

  
"I am not ready to deal with him yet." She told Jay while not looking him in the eyes.

  
"Let's run then." He said and his voice was sure.

  
She grabbed his hand and they ran into the bathroom. "What now?" He asked curious. "You jump and then I follow, you just have to catch me when I fall. OK?" She stated as a fact and a question.

  
Jay and Erin jumped at the loud banging on the front door of her rented room. Without a word he opened the small bathroom window and looked down. "It's high, but manageable."

  
"Stop talking and jump." Erin whispered.

  
The banging on the door got louder and as she heard the door open, she let herself fall down hoping Jay would catch her.

  
And he did. She landed on her feet with his arms around her waist to steady her. "Thanks." She whispered and looked up at his face. He smiled and took her by her hand.  
They ran around the building but before rounding the corner Jay stopped them. "I’ll get my bike, wait at the end of this road. Erin nodded and ran into the dark around a corner.  
Erin stood there in the dark. She made sure to avoid any street lights. She heard a bike approach and hid herself behind a tree. The bike stopped next to her and she saw that it was Jay. She jumped on the bike behind him and they drove into the early morning.

  
Jay knew that it wasn't the right thing to do. In the moment it was but he also knew that she would have to go back eventually to clean and settle things up with Kelly. He wasn't just ready to lose her. He’d just found her. Jay hadn't felt like this in a long time, but he knew if he lost it, he'd be lost again. Yes, maybe he’d just met her and yes they barely knew anything about the other but something told him that she was his other half. He didn't care what past she had or how many other men she’d been with. All that mattered to him was that he had finally found her and that she was here with him in this moment.

  
He stopped somewhere on a cliff. They could still see the lights off the city but far away on the horizon the sun was rising. The clouds seemed yellow and Erin was sure that a storm was already forming itself, and soon there would be rain to the sun. They hadn't slept at all and both of them were tired. They looked into the distance. The view was breath taking.

  
Jay pulled Erin to him. He held her close to his body. The cool morning air surrounded them and it came more into focus when Erin started to shiver. Jay removed his leather jacket and laid it on Erin’s shoulders.  
Their eyes met. Erin moved closer to him. He gripped her neck and held her in place so she could look directly at him. He watched her for a few moments and when she tried to close the gap between them, he kissed her.

  
Erin's legs moved around his waist, she pulled him even closer. She was straddling him now completely and she could feel his already hard dick on her center. She pressed her core down on him with every move she made. Jay growled he hastily started to unbutton her jeans. He somehow managed to pull them down. Erin got off the bike and got rid of her trousers just to take her earlier position again. He then noticed that she was naked from the waist down. "Where are your panties?" He lowly growled  
"We were running remember? No time to put them on." She said sheepishly and started kissing him again. Jay's eyes turned dark as he replied and the kiss heated. He circled his fingers around her clit. Erin's moans got louder. A cry escaped her as he pushed one finger inside of her. She could feel his dick was pulsating hard in his still closed jeans. Erin stroked over it. Hard. He deepened the kiss, his tongue slammed over her lips.

  
They were entwined with each other kissing and touching as if there was nothing else but them. Jay pushed his fingers in and out of her core, he could feel that she was getting close so he increased his speed.

  
He pumped in and out.

  
She moved faster, fucking herself on his fingers.

  
He kept pumping.

She kept fucking, until she came with a loud scream and his name on her breath.

Her core throbbed. He took the fingers that just moments ago were deep inside of her and licked them clean. "You taste fucking awesome." His low voice turned her on even more and she started unbuttoning his jeans. He held her back and just opened the zipper.

  
Once he was free, he lifted Erin up again as if she weighed nothing and then pushed her slowly down over his erection. Erin held onto him with her arms around his neck. She pressed her body near to his. She could feel the warmth that radiated from his chest. Her lips found his. She screamed into his mouth as he pressed her down to the hilt.  
Jay gave her a few seconds so she could adjust herself to him. He was big, and as he started moving under her, she could already feel him hitting all the right spots inside of her. Erin moved with him up and down, up and down. Only a few strokes after she saw stars behind her eyelids and her head fell back. Jay kissed and sucked on her exposed neck, she could tell that there would be marks tomorrow but at this point she didn't care. She could feel her orgasm building from deep down in her as he kept pushing into her like a mad man. Their moans got lost in the air.

  
Jay's grip on her tightened. She could feel that he was close. She was close too. Erin increased her speed fucking him with all she had. She held onto him tightly as she rode them both to their orgasms. He came while kissing her hard. "Jay..." He heard in the aftermath of his own high.  
Not moving a muscle, they both steadied each other. His head was in the gap of her neck while hers was resting on his chest. Her hand stroked over his back up his skull and into his hair. He held her to him to make sure she wouldn't move.

  
This was the perfect moment. He knew, he'd never let her go again.


	2. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the place where cb150681 and I post our Linstead One Shots. We wrote them together. 
> 
> He was looking at the magnificent New York sky and without even noticing he bumped into the woman, splashing all his coffee over her. 
> 
> "Are you crazy? Don't you watch where you're going?" She barked at him.
> 
> " I... I'm sorry... I can't... Let me help!" He had managed to throw all his coffee over her and to drop all the belongings from her bag on to the ground.
> 
> " I don't need your help!"
> 
> "Yes you do!" He said picking up all her stuff from the ground. She lowered next to him and grabbed some of her personal belongings.  
> "Ok I think that's all of it!" He said, giving her back her wallet.
> 
> "Thank you and bye!" She informed him and then turned her back on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to justkillingtimewhileIwait for editing, you did a great job, as always. Chapter 2 Road Trip Rated M

He left the plane and went straight to try and rent a car. The urge to leave the way too crowded airport was huge. He couldn't remember the last time he was home. His stupid work was consuming him, his free time, his family time... He felt that he really needed to look for another job but as always, now was not the time. He had finally managed to take a few days off and finally meeting his little baby nephew.

 

When his sister called and told him that she was pregnant he almost jumped out of happiness. After his parents had died a few years back, he moved away to start this new firm. He left behind his grieving sister and tried to move on with his life far away.   
He was single for too long and he never thought about having children. That was never a topic. He lived alone and never felt the urge to start a family, but when he found out that he was going to be an uncle he got so excited that he had been planned this vacations since then. 

 

He went back inside the airport to pick up his baggage. The line for the baggage claim was enormous and he decide to pick up some coffee for the waiting. His addiction to caffeine was another subject that he should try to solve. He drank way too much coffee in one day but in his line of work, always in front of a monitor and with all the piles of documents to analyse, he needed something to distract him and also keep him alert. Coffee did do the trick so, for now, that was the last thing he was going to change in his life. The coffee line was huge too. Was there anything that he could do today without waiting in long lines?

 

He stayed in the line for a while checking his phone. When he raised his head he saw a small brunette walking with a small suitcase trailing behind her and couldn't stop staring at her, unfortunately she didn't notice him. She was talking on the phone and she sounded upset. Her facial expressions were not friendly and she sounded really really mad. He lost himself in her for so long that he finally managed to buy his coffee. 

 

He felt bad about watching her like that but he felt so drawn to her. Distractedly, he walk to the baggage claiming line and waited for his bag while he daydreamed about the brunette. Who was she? What did she do for living? What is she like? His suitcase passed by him twice before he finally noticed it. He picked it up and headed to the car he rented.  
　  
"But why? What I don't understand is why?" She waited for an answer on the other side but that answer didn't come. "You know what? You're an ass and you can go and fuck yourself!!" And with that she disconnected the phone and stormed out of the airport building. She didn't see him watching her but he was, until he finally decide to go outside. 

 

He was looking at the magnificent New York sky and without even noticing he bumped into the woman, splashing all his coffee over her. 

 

"Are you crazy? Don't you watch where you're going?" She barked at him.

 

" I... I'm sorry... I can't... Let me help!" He had managed to throw all his coffee over her and to drop all the belongings from her bag on to the ground.

 

" I don't need your help!"

 

"Yes you do!" He said picking up all her stuff from the ground. She lowered next to him and grabbed some of her personal belongings.  
"Ok I think that's all of it!" He said, giving her back her wallet.

 

"Thank you and bye!" She informed him and then turned her back on him. 

 

He stayed there watching her walking away and thinking that he, as always, let some beautiful girl walk away from him. He looked at his phone checking the time and realized that he should be going. He had promised his sister that he would be home for dinner.

 

He walked to the parking lot trying to find his rental car. When he finally found the car he put the luggage in and prepared himself to leave. He was already seated in the car when he noticed the brunette from earlier apparently fighting with someone over the phone again. She had changed her blouse, but her skirt still had some stains of coffee. Not a minute later she threw her phone to the ground. He opened the window of the car and heard her yelling to herself. 

 

"And now how am I suppose to go home? Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!!" 

 

He froze for a moment and then out of nowhere he left the car and walked over to her. 

 

"Hey! Can I give you a ride? I noticed that you apparently are without transportation."

 

She looked at him studying his posture, his face. He could tell that she was intent to accept but not totally convinced.

 

"Look I'm not dangerous I swear. I'm a security analyst for God sake. I analyse documents closed in a two by two cubicle for a living. You don't have to be afraid of me."

 

She laughed at him. "Ok! And where are you going to?"

 

"Upstate New York"

 

She smirked at him. "Ok, so maybe you can really help on this..."

 

He picked her suitcase up from the ground and put it in into the trunk. She followed him and then got in on the passenger side.

 

He looked at her shy smiling. "So..."

 

"So..." 

 

This was going to be very awkward.  
　　  
He looked at her and offering his right hand he finally introduce himself to her. "I'm Jay by the way!"

 

She smiled at him and shook his hand. "I'm Erin!"  
　  
The awkward silence came back and they drove like that for a few minutes but then Erin decided that it would probably less awkward if she just turned on the radio. Jay had the same idea and when his fingers brushed hers, Erin felt something she hadn't felt in a while, the air around them got thicker and Erin shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Of all the things that could have happend this did. She felt like she landed in a bad movie and pulled her hand back. She laid her hands in her lap and gazed over at him.

 

He was beautiful. His hair was short and shimmered lightly red in the sunlight that came in from his side window. She could tell that he was freshly shaved because the smell of his aftershave already lingered in the car. He wore a black shirt with three buttons on it, and a pair of blue jeans. His eyes were glued to the road ahead of them. 

 

"Are you staring at me?" 

 

Her head snapped up and their eyes met. She felt the blush spread over her cheeks. Her eyes got bigger, she felt caught, but when she found his gaze again she saw him smiling at her. 

 

Erin smiled back and he tried to focus back on the road again. 

 

"Do you want to stop at a gas station to buy a burner phone?" He asked.

 

"Nope." Erin simply said. After all that had happened she felt free for the first time in a long time. The second she killed her phone that feeling had enveloped her and she liked it. 

 

It felt kind of crazy what she was doing, she wasn't the kind of girl who would get into a car with a stranger but here she was, doing exactly that! If her dad knew, he'd go crazy and shout at her but somehow she didn't feel like she was in danger, quite the opposite actually. 

 

She caught herself staring at him again and carefully turned her head to look out the window. The sun was getting lower but there were still a few hours before it got dark. She thought about staying in a hotel before she continued driving. The day was already long as it was and with the shit she had to listen to from her stupid boyf.. no now ex boyfriend she really could use a bed and a hot shower. 

 

"Do you wanna drive into the night?" She asked shyly. 

 

Jay turned his head to look at her. A smile spread over his feauters, and he felt himself considering to stop somewhere to take a little nap. 

 

"We could stop somewhere and take a little nap." He turned his head to look at her. 

 

Erin nodded her head and looked back out the window. 

 

Suddenly her head snapped back and she said: " I thought about staying at a motel for the night, I could use a hot shower and a bed that isn't mine for one night." She stopped mid sentence noticing what she just had said. 

 

"I didn't mean it like that." She added and took a long breath before she looked back at him and continued. " I meant a bed that isn't my boyfriends, ex-boyfriend to be percice. I don't have to rush to get home soon. I don't know about you but I don't! If you want to get home you could drop me of by a hotel and I will find another way to get home tomorrow." 

 

Jay stayed silent for a bit and thought about her words. 

 

Erin shifted in her seat waiting for him to say something. She didn't know why this felt so awkward and personal but it somehow did. She hoped they would stop soon and she hoped he would stay in a motel with her. She shook her head at that, not with her like in the same room with her but stayed with her until she was home safely. She couldn't explain why she felt so safe with him, she did yell at him when they first met and she was rude as hell she probably should ... " I am sorry for earlier." She said before her brain could catch up with her and change her mind. 

 

"For what exactly?" He questioned.

 

"For yelling at you when you bumped into me." She answered simply. 

 

"That was totally my fault, you were right to yell at me." He said in a charming way. 

 

"Nope, I was rude as hell. And I am sorry." Her focus went back to the road. 

 

"Apology accepted." 

 

She smiled.

 

"About the staying the night thing," He said looking at the road. "I promised my sister I'd be home for dinner and I can still do it, even if we stop for a bit to rest a little. But I can't stay the night, sorry."

 

She looked at him but he still was staring at the road. "It's ok... It was... It was just a suggestion!"

 

He nodded and asked. "But you still want to stop right? In a hotel I mean and stay the night?"

 

She felt his gaze on her. Now she was the one that was facing the road and avoiding looking at him. He was not going to stay with her but yes she really needed a bath, she still smelt the coffee on her skirt. For a moment there she thought that there was some connection between them but apparently there wasn't. Anyway she really needed a bath so she was going to need a stop somewhere.

 

"Yes I need to stop somewhere. You were a big help though." She said with her best smile.

 

They're eyes finally meet and Jay felt his heart race a little. He was not going to lie, he was attracted to her, she was very good looking but for him her determination was the thing that caught his attention. Her posture, her gaze, her need to solve her problems by her self. Yes he saw all that in her phone calls and in the way that she handled the situation since they bumped in to each other. He was use to analyzing documents but he had a good eye for people too. And once again he was going to let another beautiful woman run from him. Life was a bitch...

 

"And now who's staring? You should concentrate on the road, don't you think?" She said smiling.

 

He did what she said. "I'm sorry... I... Well the next hotel that we pass by I can stop, or do you have something in mind?"

 

"No, no anywhere is good. I don't need nothing fancy." She answered and started to try to find her wallet in her purse. "Oh no... please no..." The desperation in her voice make him stare at her again.

 

"What?" He asks.

 

"I think I lost my wallet!" 

 

"No you didn't. You're wallet is in your purse I put it there myself." He said putting his right hand on the back pocket of her purse. "Here it is see!"

 

She looked at this scene with a surprised look but Jay could tell that she was amused by it all as well. 

 

The situation felt really familiar and kind of intimate for both of them and when they realized that, they both stared at the road once again, bringing up the awkward silence again. 

 

He saw a hotel sign in two miles. "Look that's a hotel two miles away. Do you want to check it out?"

 

"Yes it's probably ok. Like I said, I don't need nothing fancy I just need a bed and a shower and to change these cloths I still smell coffee on me."

 

He looked at the stain on her skirt, "That's on me, sorry!"

 

"It´s ok really! No worries! You already paid your debt by giving me this ride." She said smiling at him. Her smile was sincere and she looked more relaxed now. He noticed that she was more and more relaxed since the beginning of the trip. That acknowledge made him smile to himself. She noticed that.

 

"Why are you smiling like that?

 

He kept his eyes on the road but said, "Nothing special. Look there it is. The hotel. Are you sure that you want to stay here?"

 

She nodded in agreement, "Yeah it looks good."

 

He turned right to get inside of the parking lot and parked in front of the entrance. It looked like a good place. 

 

"So here we are." He said turning the car off.

 

"Yeah! It was a good trip, you are good company. Thank you for everything." She said and prepared herself to leave the car, and him.  
He got out too, and headed to the back of the car, picking up her bag. "Let me help you with this."

 

She walked after him with a smile on her face as he took out her bag by himself and walked inside the lobby with it.

 

When they were inside, he handed the bag to her and said. "It was an awkward trip. You were being nice and thank you for your company. I hope things get better for you."

 

She just nodded her head and stared at him without knowing what to say.

 

"Ok so I have to go... Look it's none of my business but... tomorrow how do you plan to get to your destination?"

 

"Don't worry I will probably take a cab or something. I can handle myself." Her raspy voice had come back. She didn't sound pleased with his intrusion.

 

He nodded getting the silent message and added. "Ok then. Have a good rest and bye!"

 

"Jay?" She called when he was already with his back facing her. He turn back to her. "Yes."  
She, out of nowhere, took a few steps in his direction and hugged him tight. "Thank you very much for your kindness. You're a good man."

 

He could not respond. He didn't know what to say to her but he kept the hug until he felt her shifting her weight. When they separated he whispered his goodbye and left.

 

He could not stay there for long because if he did, then he would not leave her. He didn't want to leave her. But he got in his car and turned the radio on and got back on the road. He needed a distraction from the woman.  
He drove wrapped in his thoughts. Why did he always throw away good opportunities? This bothered him a lot. He was definitely responsible for the lonely life that he lived. That was a beautiful woman that gave him the opportunity of have a good time tonight and he, as always, didn't take it.

 

He finally saw the Syracuse sign. It was at least three hours drive more. The radio was playing some country song about following your gut and he smiled to his self. And still with the Erin girl in his mind and the words from the song floating in the air he stopped the car on the side road and picked up his phone.

 

"Hi sis how are you?"

 

"Hi Jay. I'm ok and you? How far are you from home?"

 

"Probably more than three hours. It's ok for you?"

 

"Well it is but you probably will meet Tommy tomorrow. At that hour he will be asleep for sure."

 

"Oh it's ok. Let the little man sleep we have plenty of time to meet each other."

 

She laughed on the other side. He changed the radio station because that stupid song was bothering him and when he did, he noticed some keys shinning on the passenger seat. It was from her for sure. In that moment his mind travelled back to Erin, to her shy smile and her tight hug.

 

"Hey Jay? Are you still there?"

 

"Hum... Yes yes I am. I'm sorry. Martha? Is it ok for me to get home just tomorrow?"

 

"What? Why?"

 

"I'm tired and I just realized that I'm not able to drive three hours without rest. Maybe I should rest somewhere and come meet you tomorrow morning. What do you think?"

 

"Ok I think... If you need to rest please do it. Don't get in late tomorrow though. I planned barbecue so I need you here at ten thirty at the latest."

 

"Ok sis, see you soon."

 

"Are you ok? Are you sick or something?"

 

"No, no I'm just tired. It's all ok, don't worry."

 

"Ok. Bye then. Drive safe."

 

"See you soon sis. And thank you!" And with that he hung up. Made a u-turn and drove back to the motel he dropped Erin off at. The key gave him the reason to go back to her.  
　  
Erin stepped out of the main building with her room key in her hands, her room was in a smaller building that was behind the one Jay left her at. She took a turn left. When she rounded the corner sunlight hit her face and blinded her completely for a second so she closed her eyes. Before she even noticed someone bumped into her. "Fuck, what the hell?" Erin fell to the hard ground, she felt her knee hitting hard, she let go of everything she was carrying to steady herself with her hands and break the fall but it didn't help. "Autch... FUCK!" 

 

All she felt was pain. Her knees were both bloody, so were her hands. She was still sitting there on the ground. She felt the tears behind her eyes and just wished it all would be over so she would feel normal again but she had a feeling that this wasn't the case. 

 

Erin managed to get up on her feet, though her legs hurt like hell and the blood was dripping onto the street. She looked for her belongings when she noticed that her purse was gone. 

 

"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!" Erin cursed under her breath, fighting against the tears that threaten to come out. "Great! No Boyfriend! NO phone, NO PURSE, NO RIDE, NO NOTHING!!! DAMN IT!!" 

 

She let the tears fall now. Defeated she stood there. She didn't know what she was going to do next. She was in the middle of nowhere with nothing and no fucking plan. At least she had the damn room key. That was something, right? She thought and started to walk very very slowly towards the building where her room was. 

 

A few minutes and curses later she finally arrived. The room was ugly. The walls were yellow but she doubted that this was the original color. The carpet on the floor was blue with some black dots on it. The room smelled strange and Erin was tempted to leave again and stay outside thinking about an alternative plan. 

 

The pain she felt reminded her that she needed to take care of her wounds so she walked further into the room after closing the brown wooden door behind her. She walked directly into the bathroom not wanting to take a look at the bed.   
　  
She was just about to turn on the water in the bathtub to clean her wounds when she heard a low sound coming from her door. She quickly got out of the bathroom and moved towards the sound. She heard it again but a lot louder and now she could make out that someone was knocking.   
　  
She opened the door. Jay was standing opposite from her with the brightest smile she'd ever seen. "What are you doing here?" She asked confused.

 

"I... You forgot your keys, in my car, so I thought I'd come back and bring them because maybe you needed them back." He said a bit unsure because she was making a face that said she wasn't very pleased.   
Maybe it was a mistake to come back. Maybe he had misread the signs. 

 

"Come in!" He heard her say. Her voice sounded raspy and as he watched her walking inside he noticed she was walking funny.

 

"What the hell happened to you?" He moved quickly next to her to help her to sit on a chair that was placed opposite of the bed. 

 

"Someone robbed me!" She said still in pain.   
Erin told him what had happen to her after he drove off and he listened carefully. The sun was low in the sky and Jay had to turn on the lights in the room.   
　  
"Can I help you clean that?" He asks pointing at the wounds. "Usually rental cars have a first aid kit, let me check. If not I just go to the reception and ask for help. Give me a minute ok?"

 

She just nodded again. She was felling really really tired right now, it was like she felt all that had happen today falling on her right now. She just laid back on the bed and waited for him to return. She closed her eyes and thought about how fortunate she was in all this mess because this guy was here to help her without questing her and not asking anything in return. The only good part of her day was that she had met him. This gorgeous, generous and kind man. 

 

She heard a light knock on the door, got up from the bed really slowly and opened the door for him. He appeared in front of her with one of those emergency bags in his hand and smiling. "Did you rob an ambulance?" She joked.

 

"No, but almost. The car didn't have one, so I asked at the reception desk, but a paramedic that was staying in the hotel immediately offered his help. I thought that you wouldn't like to have some stranger here invading your privacy, so he lent me his bag. I have to bring it back as soon as I clean all your wounds."

 

She smiled again shyly and stayed quiet about all that he had said. He already knew her without even knowing her. This guy was amazing.

 

"And you know anything about first aid?"

 

"Don´t dramatize missy those are just simple wounds." He said in a soft tone and a grin on his face. "Can I start?"

 

"I think I prefere a shower first." She said. 

 

"Ok, I'll wait here."

 

She turned her back on him and entered the bathroom. She showered really quickly because the water made her skin burn. When she got out of the shower and saw the towel that she had to clean herself with, she panicked. It was pretty small and when she looked at herself in the steamy mirror she realized that she could not get out of the bathroom with that because the towel would cover almost nothing from her tiny pale body.   
She stayed there for a bit trying to figure out what to do. What was more awkward, her appearing in the room with a tiny towel around her that showed all of her skin or her asking him to bring her clothes, including lingerie? She decide the latter would be the better option and opened the door to ask him before she could change her mind. "Could you reach me some clothes from my suitcase? Anything is ok. Please."

 

He looked at her surprised and nodded okay getting up and opening the suitcase on top of the bed. Trying to not make a big mess, he picked up a blouse and some denim shorts and give to her through the bathroom door.

 

"I kind of need underwear too." Her voice was almost a whisper and she didn't look directly at him. 

 

He blushed a little and turned back to the suitcase trying to find underwear. He found a small fabric bag and picked it up almost without looking at the bra and some panties. Still a little blushed, he handed it to her and turned around walking to the window.

 

And this is one of the most awkward situations that I have ever been in, she thought to herself. 

 

When she was finally ready she came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. He sat on his knees close to her and picked the most wounded leg first. 

 

The awkward silence continued so she decide to make a joke. "So do you choose girl clothes often? You seemed very profissional at it!!" And gave a small laugh.

 

He raised his head from the emergency bag smiling, "Well you look good so apparently I know what I'm doing."

 

They both smiled and then he made her scream when he started cleaning. "Auch come on..."

 

He made a sorry face. "There is no other way to do this, I'm sorry..."

 

She rest her case and try to stay quiet, moving her leg from time to time showing her discomfort. Minutes passed and all that was audible in that room was her discomfort.  
When he finished he put some bandages on both legs, with both his hands on her legs, without noticing that, he said. "You should rest now." 

 

She grabbed her hair to make a pony tail and he notice that she have a small cut on her shoulder. "Oh I apparently missed that one." He said examining the little cut. 

 

"Why do you do this so well? Are you trained?" She asked him looking straight at him. 

 

"Nothing special, I used to volunteer in a shelter and I decided to take a first aid course because a lot of young kids showed up there with small wounds and bruises."

 

Her mind traveled to that shelter for a moment. He really was a great man with a big heart. When he touched her shoulder again for cleaning the cut she was caught by surprise and jumped in pain. He noticed her discomfort and more gently cleaned the cut and put a little bandage on it. His touch made her relax again and without both of them noticing their faces where so close that they could feel each other's breath. He leaned his forehead against hers. 

 

The air was thicker by the second and the most deep and sweet kiss came naturally. They kissed like they already knew how and his hand traveled to her hair as both of her hands traveled to his back. They lay on the bed. He traced a small path with his finger across her face making her shiver and placed a small kiss on her neck and then another on her collarbone and then another on her chest. Just soft and sweet kisses here and there and she let him go, let him know her body with his kisses when he got to her belly button, she sat up on a jump that made him realize he may have moved to fast.  
　  
"I'm sorry I got carried away" He said quickly.   
"I shouldn´t... I'm... Look I'm really sor..." 

 

She cut him of with a kiss to his lips.

 

"It's ok! I was here too and... It was good... Well really good..." She said blushing. "But I'm not like this... I'm not the girl that sleeps with some guy that she meets in the morning."

 

"It's ok I'm like that too... We should..." He got up from the bed and added. "Do you want to go grab a bite to eat?"

 

She smiled at him thinking that he ended up solving another awkward situation very well. 

 

"That is a really good idea." She answer smiling.

 

They both walked to the door, where Jay picked up the emergency bag. He gently put his hand on her back leading her the way to the hotel restaurant. She felt the gesture and gave a big smile.  
　  
They ordered some burgers and some beer, nothing fancy. Jay was hungry and Erin needed food too. They used the dinner time to get to know each other better. Jay mostly talked about his sister and how excited he was to meet his little nephew. Erin mostly talk about how she missed home and how this trip was a way to return home for a while. She need time to put her mind in order. Apparently this break up had been hard on her. When they finished, they went back to the hotel room and Erin wanted to know how the night should go so she asks him directly.

 

"So are you staying or going?" She smiled.

 

With his gaze fixed on her eyes he said. "As you wish!"

 

"It's ok for you to stay... just don't expect nothing from me ok?" she deviated her look form him.

 

He softly caught her eyes again by making her face him with his gentle touch, "I will be a perfect gentlemen. I can even sleep on the floor if you want. Or i can leave too."

 

"No! Don't leave... I... I prefere if you stay!" The were at the bedroom door. She opened it letting him in and he followed behind. "And you can sleep on the bed. I don't mind."  
He smiled at her and nodded. They both lay on the bed to watch tv, falling asleep moments late, almost at the same time.

 

More than an hour later she woke up and went to the bathroom to change her clothes for a large T-Shirt and gym shorts. When she came back she saw him laying there. He was shirtless and with just his boxers on. He probably had woke up already and took off his clothes. The room was hot. She opened a small window near the ceiling to ventilate and came back to bed.  
　  
Jay lay beside her, she could feel his breath on her skin. She couldn't sleep. Erin didn't know if it was because of the reason she was here in the first place or the really hot man laying beside her. She felt the connection they had instantly. The moment he bumped into her at the airport she had felt it. Erin was only so shocked about it that she had lashed out at him and of course she wasn't pleased with the hot coffee stain on her blouse. The way that guy had looked at her was almost magical, she didn't know what to do or how to act around him so she just walked away.  
　  
She also was sure that her attraction to him was real and not because she wanted revenge on her cheating ex, no, this was different. She watched him, careful to not make a sound that would wake him. He looked peaceful, almost carefree. His breath was steady. She felt the warmth that radiate from his body, counted the freckles on his face and before she even could stop herself, she pressed her lips to his.  
She moved back a little, he didn't wake up. His lips felt so soft on hers. She kissed him again.  
A low moan escaped him as she moved closer to him. He opened up so she could get better access. She explored his mouth with her tongue. She climbed on top of him, her hands in his hair, on his torso and arms. She dug her nails into his skin. The kiss heated up as they lost themselves in the moment.

 

Suddenly she was laying under him. His heavy body pressing her into the mattress. She could feel him hard rubbing her. She pressed upwards by arching her back upwards.  
He lifted her ass up with one hand, steadying himself next to her head with the other. He circled his hips. Erin's heavy breaths turned into moans. She could feel every muscle under his naked skin, her nails scratched his back as she got closer to an orgasm. She pressed herself on to him further, he knew she was close now so he increased the pressure and his speed. Her nails dug into his skull, scratched down his neck over his back to his ass. Goosebumps erupted on his skin. 

 

"Jay... more,. Don't stop." 

 

She plead over and over again until she finally came, the scream got lost in the heated kiss he held her in.   
　  
"Well that was unexpected." Jay said smiling down at her very satisfied form. She slapped him on his upper arm playfully but he just kept smiling down at her. 

 

"Come here!" She pulled him down again.

 

" Are you sure?" He asked her. 

 

"Yes!" She said before sliding down onto him. She stopped, feeling him inside of her fully stretching her. They looked at each other but neither of them was talking. Erin started to move slowly.

 

" Fuuuck!" He moaned into the dark motel room. Erin increased the speed, his hands were all over her sweaty body caressing her skin gently with his fingertips. With a fast move he changed positions again so Erin was one again lying under him. He loved to see her there, under him, loved to see how her eyes would roll into the back of her head when he hit just the right spot deep inside of her. 

 

She writhed under him, and if he kept up that same pressure and speed he was slamming into with her she would come soon. Her brown curly hair was spread out on the pillow. Her nails stroke over his skin. Her legs and feet intertwined with his. She was close now, when suddenly she stopped moving. 

 

He looked down at her questioningly. "Other position." She said between heavy breathing. 

 

Without sliding out of her he flipped them over again. She was straddling him once more but this time he was sitting, his back leaning against the wall behind the bed. Erin started to move again, Jay grabbed her chin and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her forcefully while lifting up his hips. Their bodies moved in sync.

 

Erin felt her orgasm build up again deep down in her belly. She pressed herself further down on to him, her fingers on his cheeks she deepened the kiss while pumping down on his lap over and over again.   
　  
\-------------  
　  
She was sweaty but with a satisfied look on her face. He had a grin on his face and tilted his head over to look at her. She did the same. She was the first to talk. "I swear I don't do this often!"

 

"What? Sex?" He asks, giggling. 

 

She punched him on the shoulder smiling. "No! Yes! I mean sex with some random guy"

 

"Hey I'm not some random guy anymore... Am I?" He asks, more serious. 　

 

She smiled at him and caressed his face. "No you're not. And I'm really happy that you bumped into me today."

 

"Well I confess I was watching you for a bit. The bump wasn't planed but I had noticed you when you were talking on the phone. I, as always, didn't say anything because as I said early... I'm not that kind of guy but somehow today something changed and you and me? I want more, do you understand?" And now he was really serious.

 

She looked at him. What she saw was an awesome man and an amazing human being so far. So, Why not? She thought to herself. "Ok Jay! You and me... We will have more!"  
He smiled from ear to ear and with his index finger drew a path from her forehead to her mouth. He caressed her hair, always looking straight in her eyes and kissed her soft and deeply. Like their first kiss. He hugged her and whispered in her ear. "You and Me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave us some Comments and Kudos guys!


	3. Backup Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay was furious, what had she been thinking when she went to check out that lead on her own? He couldn't believe how it felt busting into that room. There she was lying there on that big wooden bed almost naked and close to being raped. Pacing around the crowded precinct he tried to gather his thoughts but there was too much going through his mind that concentrating was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vivi, It was a pleasure working with you. <3   
> Also a big thank you to @laurabelle2930 who edited this story. - You're awesome, Thanks :)

Backup Love

Jay was furious, what had she been thinking when she went to check out that lead on her own? He couldn't believe how it felt busting into that room. There she was lying there on that big wooden bed almost naked and close to being raped. Pacing around the crowded precinct he tried to gather his thoughts but there was too much going through his mind that concentrating was out.

He'd never felt so lost. Erin had been talking to the people which now were the main suspects in the murder investigation. She already was on her way talking to them when things had gone sideways. His face went pale and all he could do was hope. that they weren't already too late.

He'd tried her cell numerous times hoping she would pick up but she hadn't. The drive to the house felt like hours passing by and with every minute that passed, Jay got more worried. Something in him threatened to explode but he pushed it back down, he knew he needed to focus on the mission. The most important mission he was ever assigned to. He recalled his military training and controlled his breathing. The city went by fast, the sirens which sounded loud into the mild late afternoon but he almost didn't hear it. Blood pounded in his ears as he concentrated and gathered himself for what would come next.

 

The moment he walked through that front door he didn't care for the suspects, he just wanted to find her and make sure she was ok. He didn't know how he had found her as fast as he did, maybe it was faith or just luck but when he opened that door and saw his girl half naked in the arms of another man, who was about to hurt her he focused. He had put all his training into this second and then he had pulled the trigger.

He hadn't said a word of warning he just shot.

In that moment, Jay made a decision. He knew he had to live with that decision for as long as he lived. It wasn't the first life he'd taken and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last one either.

It was either kill or Erin would be killed. This choice wouldn't hurt him the way others did in his past. What he knew would hurt were the pictures of Erin in danger.

The moment the dead man's head fell back onto the bloody pillow Jay shifted his focus on to Erin. His whole body language changed, his muscles relaxed but the worry in his voice stayed.

Blood covered her face, it felt warm on her skin. The man who was holding a knife against her throat lay dead beside her. She wanted to move to get away from him and his ugly smell but with her hands bound together she barely could move. Jay was by her side in an instant. He helped her to sit up and removed the piece of clothing that had covered her mouth. He then removed the ties around her wrist.

She sat on the opposite edge of the bed, eyes on the floor. Her wrists hurt from the tight ties. She carefully stroked over her left wrist with her fingers. Bruises already building for everyone to see.

Erin couldn’t believe how lucky she was that her colleagues figured it out and came to save her. She knew what she'd done was wrong and she felt guilty that one of them had to kill someone because of her.

Erin knew almost nothing about Jay's time in Afghanistan but she could tell that he was avoiding the subject and that meant things for him were dark.

She felt something warm on her arm and turned her head to find Jay sitting next to her. His fingers carefully stroking over her upper arm. He didn't talk, his fingers moved slowly up and down her arm, as if he was trying to calm her down.

 

She felt bad, the guilt was eating her alive. All the bad things that had happened took their toll. Nadia’s death, her mother’s bad influence, her drug abuse, her almost being raped, and now Jay had to take a life to save her.

The guilt spread through her body like a wild fire. She could feel it deep down in her bones, it was making her sick. She couldn't breathe, couldn't talk, couldn't think straight anymore. All she wanted was flee from her own body.

It came faster as she noticed, Erin stood up and ran into the room next to the one she was in, hoping it was a bathroom. It was not. It was another bedroom but there wasn't any time left so she opened a window as fast as she could and emptied her stomach.

She looked pale, her face hollow. The eyes he looked into were empty. He tried to help her as best as he could but he felt it was still not enough. He felt as if he had let her down and it made him feel guilty. He had let her down and he felt as if he would pay for it the rest of his life. His mom would tell him he was over reacting but something in him told him that he was not.

Jay went after her into the other bedroom and took her hair up in a high ponytail. He didn't know if she noticed because when she turned around and cleaned her mouth with the hem of her shirt she almost jumped out of her skin as she noticed someone holding her.

"It's just me Erin, it's ok, it's just me." He said almost in a whisper.

Erin stepped closer and let her body fell into his. His scent invaded her surroundings and she let her eyes fall shut. She felt his arms holding on to her slim body. His hand drew circles on her back and it felt like he was writing something but she couldn't make out what it was.

Quiet tears fell down her cheeks and landed on Jay's bulletproof vest. All the emotions she kept at bay were now coming to the surface and all Erin could do was cry. Her silent tears turned into sobs and her sobs turned into screams.

Jay never let her go. He held her, showed her that she wasn't alone and he made sure that she knew that he would always be there for her, that everything was going to be ok.

She didn't know how long they stood there, and she also didn't notice Hank coming into the room and silently leaving it again, all she knew was that there were no more tears to cry. There was nothing left inside of her.

She slowly opened her swollen red eyes and stepped away from Jay. His face showed concern, concern about her and her state. "Erin." He whispered but she just left the room, down the stairs and outside through the garden on to the street.

Erin felt his presence behind her with every step she made. She felt his eyes boring into her back watching over her.

She wasn't aware of the paramedics working on her and asking her questions. She just sat there in the ambulance alone with her thoughts.

"Erin, are you ok?" She heard Hank's husky voice next to her. Erin's head snapped up to meet Hank's worried eyes on her.

"Yes I am ok, just tired and dirty." She paused "Can we do this quickly?" She continued. Hank nodded and took her statement.

 

Erin felt tired and she could feel Jay's eyes on her the whole time during the interrogation. When they finally were done Erin stood and with a nod to Hank she made her way to her car. The emptiness inside of her was spreading as she drove off to her apartment.

The sky was full of big white clouds and Erin was sure that it would rain at some point but she couldn't care less. At the moment she didn't care about anything except for taking a hot shower and then sleep.

Erin was only five minutes home when she heard a knock at the door. Without looking she knew it was Jay. Just wearing her underwear she went to the door to let him in. They didn't speak, she knew the moment she saw him enter her apartment that he still was mad at her. She wasn't ready to talk about it and she sure as hell wasn't ready to hear him shout at her.

 

After a long shower, Erin came out the bathroom only wearing a dark blue towel. She went directly to her closet and grabbed an old t-shirt that was lying on top. She put on a pair of panties and without checking where Jay was, she switched of the lights and curled herself up under the soft sheets of her bed.

 

Jay was met with a dark room and an already fast asleep Erin. After five minutes just looking at her he removed his clothes and took his place beside her. He was careful not to touch her I fear of wakeing her up.

 

His mind was running wild. He couldn't find sleep and he didn't know how Erin could after all that had happened. On one side he was scared of losing her but on the other he was pissed that she went in without back up. The fact that he was her back up didn't make it easier. He blamed himself for not being there when he should have been and the guilt he was carrying, was tearing him down more than he was willing to admit.

 

He was struggling with his thoughts. The images he was recalling in his mind threatened to consume him. But today's adrenaline rush had him drained of energy too, so at some point he gave up and drifted to sleep.

She started shifting from one side to another. The uneasiness she was feeling was obvious. Then in an instant she tilted her upper body, balancing herself on her elbows. Her forehead was wet from the sweat. Her eyelashes like cage bars had captured some tears. Her heart was pounding in stress and it seemed like trying to escape out of her body. She was shaking. She didn't fear, she was upset. Upset with herself. Her damn idiot self. She was radiating heat. She turned her face to look at him. She could feel him sleeping beside her. She slipped out of the bed. She didn't wish to wake him after what she put him through. Today's events were all her fault.

She tip toed to the bathroom. She opened the water and modulated the water temperature to as cold as she could bare so she could finally cool herself.

She stared at her face in the mirror. Her eyes were almost blood stained the little veins had been probably broken. Her skin was pale and sweaty like she was about to get sick. She dropped her clothes in a pile on the floor stepped out of her pants and walk down of the cool water. She stood there. She tried to calm herself but the more she was trying the more she was losing her self-control. She started to rub her skin with her sponge rub and rub compulsively like she was trying to pill her guilt off of her skin.

Guilt about him. She was always being stubborn that's a trait of her character. That's something she was even back then when she was little. And she used to act reckless and get into trouble, get herself hurt so many times. But now things are different. She wants things to be different. Now she is with him. And he is one of the most important people in her life. And his presence has changed her priorities. She wants him in her life and not to jeopardize this for any reason. But... and this is a big but. But she was born into bad news and always be a loser. And he didn't deserve to be dragged in her messed life even deeper.

It was her fault. She kept thinking. It was her choices that forced him to take the shot and kill another man. And he couldn't be ok with that. He lived and survived a war she had seen death, so much death and she made him add some more. He has to carry new guilds. Guilt that was supposed to be a weight on her shoulders not his. He had to hate her for the burden to his consciousness. She couldn't stand herself. She was hurting him. Once again she was bad for the others. She walked out of the bathroom and dressed quickly. She pulled a drawer from the little table next to the door and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. She wrote I'M SORRY in capital letters and left it on the table, got her keys and left the house.

Jay heard a door close but he didn't guess that it could be the apartment’s door.

When he woke up at the morning he was still mad with her but he was eager to talk to her to, to hear what she would tell him to rationalize her decision.

"Erin...?" He lifted the sheets and stepped out of the bed. He walked to the living room and realized she had left. He noticed that her keys were gone at there, there was her note.

"I'M SORRY" just that. Was she kidding him? She could blame her for a lot of things but he never considered her a coward. Oh no... Not this time. This time she owed him explanations and he was willing to get them.

He dressed really quickly and rushed to the precinct. Her car was parked outside. His anger was reaching uncontrollable heights. This time she wouldn't get rid of him so easily. Yesterday he almost lost her and she didn't have the decency to explain her actions him. And he was angry with himself too. He should predicted her impulsive behavior but he hadn't. How he could be so uncautious? How could he have projected all his unmanageable feelings to her.

He buzzed himself into the department and run up to the first floor. She wasn't at her desk nor in the breakroom either. She turned back and he headed to their locker room. She found her there. Avoiding anyone until a case would come up and the rest of the unit would be preoccupied.

She hadn't even tilted her head up to look at him. She was sitting there on a bench in front of her stuff one leg on either side with her back facing the door.

He walked there covering the distance between them until he end was towering over her. It was just then that she looked at him.

"Good morning" she whispered.

"When did you leave? You were already gone when I woke up and we didn't talk yesterday either. Don’t you think you owed me at least that?" He cut her off.

Honestly the only thing she heard was "...you owed me at least that?" Of course she owed him. She owed him so much more than just an explanation. She owed him an apology about what she put him through. What she would continue to put him through if he would forgive her. He would be doomed if he stayed with her.

She stood at the exact same point she was sitting and "I...I... You are right I owe you an explanation, but I don't have one." She paused for a moment, hesitating to let her next words out as she gathered her courage and continued.

"I think it will be better for both of us to call it as it is. A failure. Just face the truth Jay we're better..."

His anger elevated to levels he hadn't experienced before in his entire life. He stepped forward and pushed her back. Her body hit the metal door and a loud bang was audible probably outdoors too.

He pinned her, his radius pushing her in the height of her collar bone his fist moments before hitting the door behind her

Her eyes locked on his. No fear was shown in them. It was like she expected his actions like she was pleading with him to externalize his anger on her. She would prefer to focus on some pain, to be hurt, not because of masochism but to be relieved of her guilds, an instant physical pain that would lightened her emotional suffer. She was standing there, not moving an inch, not trying to defend herself or put any resistance. He was losing it. Was she crazy? Was she actually thinking he could hurt her? What she was doing? Didn't she know him at all?

This eye hold was interrupted.

"Halstead what the hell man?"

Adam was stepping in the room following Burgess, trying to talk to her when they witnessed the scene.

He run to him and grabbed his hand forcing him to release her.

Burgess walked over to Erin to check on her.

Ruzek accompanied him out of the room holding him tight and dragging him from his hand.

Erin slid down from where she was standing. She curled her hands around her knees that had them pulled in front of her chest and sit there in silence, not responding to Kim's worried questions.

When Ruzek stepped in with an upset Halstead by his side Al took notice of the unexpected sight.

"You little useless go do something, I need to talk to Halstead."

He motioned Jay to follow him and get out of the precinct straight to the driver seat of his car waiting Jay to board...

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The floor beneath Erin felt cold and dirty, but she didn’t care. She never had seen Jay so angry before. She wasn’t afraid of him, not even a little but she had to admit that she was shocked at what just had happened. She felt a single tear run down her cheek. She cleaned it away with her sleeve and continued starring at the floor thinking about how this got so messy so fast.

At some point, she felt Burgess next to her.

"Erin, you should stand up and get cleaned up before someone walks in." Burgess carefully said.

Erin nodded and slowly stood up. She had to steady herself on the blue lockers but after a few seconds she found her stability.

"Come on, I’ll help you get to your car. I’ll tell Sergeant Voight that you were sick and that you went home."

Erin said nothing. She just followed Kim out of the building. They managed to get out the backdoor without being seen. Erin was grateful for that and before she opened the door of her car she hugged Kim quickly.

"Thanks." Erin whispered.

"Always." Kim said while nodding.

Erin got into her car and drove off.

She went straight home because she didn’t know where else she could go. She parked her black car on the street in front of her apartment building and went all four floors up until she arrived at her white wooden front door.

When she entered she was hit with Jay’s scent in her nose. He was everywhere. She went for the windows and opened all of them. She needed to get rid of his presence otherwise she wouldn’t get through this.

After three and a half hours Erin had cleaned up her whole flat.

She stood in the middle of the living room with her hands covered in gloves and turned around herself to see how it all looked. She let herself fall onto the couch and the got out of the gummy gloves. She threw them on to the now more than clean floor.

After a while she heard her phone ring somewhere but she was too tired to get up and answer it. While she sat there all alone on her big grey couch, she was thinking a lot.

How did they from having a great relationship come to this? Was it only what had happened to her? Was it because she went to interview a suspect without backup? Was it because another guy had touched her? Was it because she felt so guilty because she had put him through all that? Because he had to kill again, for her? Or was their relationship cursed from the beginning and things weren’t as good as she thought they were?

Erin didn’t know. All she knew was that the only thing she felt was guilt. Except for that she felt only empty. It was as if her body was only a shell but inside was nothing.  
She felt the tears and this time she didn’t stop them. She let them come. At some point she changed her location from the couch to her bed.   
She didn’t hear the lock on her front door click, and also not the door opening and someone coming in.  
She was fast asleep under a pile of sheets in her now dark bedroom.

Jay’s face hurt. He had a black eye and he was sure a cracked rip. He walked through the dark apartment trying to find the kitchen without making any noise.

He walked through the living room and his legs hit something hard and soft. in the middle of the room? He moved around it and finally got to the kitchen without another incident.

He switched on the lights and opened the freezer. He took out some frozen peas and pressed them over his swollen eye. It hurt like hell, and he felt awful.  
It was already very late and he didn’t even know why he came here, instead of his own apartment. That was a lie, he knew why he came here.  
He felt her presence even before she set foot into the kitchen.

"Jay?" A sleepy voice asked. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t want her to see him like this.

"Jay? What are you doing here?" She asked her voice was filled with fierce.

He slowly turned around lowering the hand that held the peas.

Her expression went from angry to shock back to angry over to worry in less than a second.

"What happened?" She asked as she stepped forward. She lifted her hand and her fingers brushed over his cheek down his chin. His eyes took her in, he said nothing, the pain he felt just a moment before didn’t feel important anymore, it was as if just that moment between them existed.

Erin let her hand fall down and moved backwards. The intensity of the moment was too much for her. She felt his eyes on her, never leaving her. She could tell that he was studying her, trying to figure out what he should say next but no words came out.

"You should get some rest, the couch is all yours," She said seriously and turned on her heal to walk away.

"Erin." She heard him whisper behind her but she didn’t turn around. She had to stay strong for his sake, and for hers.

She was awake. It was just the day before that she had purifyed her apartment from his presence and it was the same night that he appeared out of nowhere like it was the most natural thing to do. Accepting him hadn't changed anything of what had happened, it hasn't erased their fight, whatever was the true reason they were arguing about and for sure hasn't brought their relationship back to normal, at least their normal. It was acceptance. Just that. She cared about him more than herself and she sensed that it was exactly what he needed last night.

She got up and headed to the living room. He was sleeping there on the couch. His cheek swollen from a hit and his eye black. And he was still so cute sleeping here like that. His one arm above his head and the other on his belly following the up and down movement of his breath. His mouth lightly open. She couldn't resist she covered the distance between them and kneeled there beside his head. She stretched her hand and draw a line to his wounded cheek. She was so in love with him. But that was not enough. She was not enough. Not for him. She instantly moved her finger from him.

Jay had felt her touch. He had just laid still pretending that he was sleeping. He always adored feeling her in any way in every way but then, she pulled her hand, she allowed herself a moment of intimacy and then she retrieved herself back into her cell. He was right when he accused her that she was a coward. Whatever Al said he wasn't an excuse.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

"Come on Jay we don't have the whole day, get in."

"Ok ok I'm coming."

Al waited until he was buckled up and started the engine.

"So what it was that you want to talk me about?" Jay asked but honestly he was guessing what was all this and he was in no mood of discussion. Not with them at least he had to discuss things but he had to discuss them with Erin.

"What happened?"

"What you mean?" Jay tried to act like nothing was happening.

"Something happened back there at the locker room something that made even Adam upset and you know he is the most insensitive man in the world if not in the entire universe. So...?"

"So what O.?" Jay was already mad with Erin discussing things probably would make him even angrier. "It is not your business."

"Don't be like this boy, you know that I care for both of you and I have raised Erin almost as much as Hank so don't tell me it is not my business because I am making this my business."

"Ok, what do you want me to say?"

"What happened, I mean you seemed fine until the incident and then..."

"That is exactly my problem. We didn't just seemed we were fine, we were great actually and she just go there risking her life without any back up, without ME, without saying a damn thing to anyone. She doesn't care for anything besides work, she doesn't care for us, for me."

"You are unfair. You may not feel like it but she cares. Have anyone told you what happened when you were taken? I was the one who informed her and she appeared here and volunteered herself for the job."

"Yes out of guilt probably or because this is her thing, rescuing others, it wasn't about me."

"Don't let anger consume you. This isn't true and deep down you know it. She may sacrifice her own life to rescue anyone but she draged herself out of the hole she dug and allowed herself to fell comfort down there after Nadia's death and stood up, even fought Voight, sober in order not to jeopardize your safety. These were for you. Voight had begged her to get herself in line to return at her place both in his house and in the precinct and nothing before you. So don't fool yourself. You matter."

"Oh, stop it. Just stop it. If that is the case what has changed?"

"Excuse me about what I'm going to say to you but you have to try to understand her. I know you have suffered much in your life too and with all that war stuff and I honestly deeply respect you for that, but life is not a torture contest, but in my point of you, there is no comparison between what you both handle. She was an abused child. Her personality formed that way. War happened to you when you were old enough to be completed. Imagine her like she is like a sword forced in fire until blade is formed in a certain way and you as a sword that has marks of battles on it. Don't feel that I underestimate what you've been through but just consider what I've just told you."

"Yeah right, she handles herself better than I do."

"You haven't met her back then. Even ... who was a saint, she has to be to have a husband like Hank and she wasn't able to reach out for her. She was like a wild animal, not wild but drown in fear. She passed so much time struggling to open up and approach them."

"If you are done talking I'd prefer to walk from here. Thank you." Jay simply said and motioned him to pull the car in the side so he would be able to walk away. And that was exactly what he did in the dark alley.

 

\-------------------------------

 

She had stepped back and leaned at the door just looking at him. She tensed when she noticed that he was waking up. But what it is going to follow?

He was angry before he even opened his eyes, and all that were excuses and not hers it was his. He was still expecting her explanations. Jay felt her staring at him even now when he knew she wasn't in his reach anymmore.

He opened his eyes and sat up on the couch. She looked at him and mouthed a good morning and she whispered how he was feeling immediately after that.

"You want to convince me that you care?"

"Oh... just drop that act, ok?"

"Ok, then I'm waiting..."

"Waiting for what exactly?"

"You have some explanations to do."

"You appeared like that yesterday! and she pointed at his face "and I have to give explanations?" She questioned him.

"I had a fight. Your turn."

"It was an honest mistake just that. I'm not perfect like you, you know, if you can't handle that, it's not my problem!"

He felt his anger rising, Erin was trying to put the blame on him.

"If I can't handle it? And what is this bullshit about perfection, you know I don't think I'm any better than you."

"Really? And from where could I possibly know? You never tell me anything. I know more about Mouse's war experience than yours you hypocrite, and you have the nerve to accuse me of trust issues?" She said with firce.

The conversation was getting worse with every passing moment. Accusations were exchanging between them like a ping pong ball and the atmosphere was getting explosive.

She was in a passive offensive mode and he, he was losing control. Every single word that got out of his mouth, she was misinterpreting and turning it against him. She was blaming him for everything.

"Is it you talking you coward? You are always leaving. At least I stay and make an effort."

"OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!!!" She yelled at him. She snapped, lost it.

Jay didn't move, he kept staring at her with that strange look on his face she didn't quite know what it meant.   
"Take it back now or..." Her voice broke.  
　  
"I'm not taking back anything." He said. His voice was calm and soft but inside of him burned a fire he hadn't felt since he came back from hell. Yes this was hell for him, fighting with the love of his life, and if he thought about it, he didn't even know why they fought anymore! 

He suddendly felt tired, tired of this whole fight, the situation and the pain he felt inside and outside of his body. He was about to apologize when he noticed the air shifting again around them. He could tell that she was furious. When she was getting mad she was like Donald. Yelling while her own tiny body hasn't enough space for her temper and she ended up channel this in an adorable way.   
　  
And then he laughed at her!

"Are you? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING??" Her tiny body was shaking. The anger inside of her rising. So she did the only thing that would give her the power of the conversation back and punched him straight in his face. A direct hit right into his other eye.   
　  
"Fuck!" His reflects were activated and he reacted instinctively. He grabbed her offending hand from by the wrist and lifted her from it to immobilize her. He heard a cracking sound and let her free instantly when he noticed her grind in pain. She fell down to her knees.

He let himself fall and knelt down besides her, trying to approach her but she was kicking him, like a kid.

"I'm sorry." He was pleading at her.

"Now we're even, leave please." she told him crying and his heart broke.

"That's your game. I never play to lose and I couldn't compete with you." He tried to tease her to light the atmosphere but to be honest to himself he was still bitter about everything.

And her sobbing got uncontrollable.

"I... I know I'm bad news. I'm not good for you. Not good enough, not plane enough. The only thing I can offer you, is release you. You would be doomed with me. I couldn't share my fate with you. I couldn't do this to you. I don't want this for you, for that I love you to much! And Yes I run away. If I had run away sooner Nadia would be alive. Now I know that. And I know that I'm a coward. If I hadn't run for myself back then I could have saved my brother and Annie and I could have helped even Bunny. And despite how many I'll help in the future, I won't be able to balance them. At least I could spare you your life."

He sit back not believing what he was hearing. O was right after all. All her attitude was misunderstood from her. She was blaming herself for every single bad thing that people around her had experienced. He hadn't seen that coming.   
　  
His anger was gone. Replaced. He didn't need any explanations any more. His newly acquired knowledge was sufficient. Her behavior was explained by her warped perspective of her attempt to protect him...  
　  
He took the place next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Come here." He wispered against her soft brown hair. She let herself fall into his embrance. Tears she had held back were falling down now. She sobbed into his armes and listened to his soft words and the circles he drew with his rough fingers on her back.  
"Shhhh, I'm here, everything is going to be fine. I am here, I'm not gonna leave you." His voice was low and quiet but she heard every word he said to her. His words were honest and he said them like a prayer. She let her whole body sink into his, let him hold her like he was the only thing in her world. 

"I am so sorry. Let us stop fighting." He kept talking, knowing she listened. Jay let her cry in his arms. He held her tight to him not ready to let her go. It felt like he just got her back. He knew what the problem was now and it wasn't at all what he epected. He should have know though. He should have known! He kicked himself mentally for not noticing and for being so angry at her. 

He felt guilty for putting more pressure on her. She didn't deserve that he was blaming her for what had almost happened to her. He was to busy thinking that another man had touched her and his jealousy had gotten in his way. No one ever was going to lay hands on her again. That he was sure of! He wouldn't let that happen. 

"You love me?" He asked out of nowhere.

 

"W.. What?" She stopped crying and lifted her head up to look at him with her swollen red eyes.

"So you love me?" He asked again, his gaze serious. 

She tilted her head to the side and studied him, her eyes big. She was staring.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"You said you love me?!" He stated.

"No, yes I did but well I don't... " She looked at him in shock, her mouth still open ready to continue rambling.

"I love you too." He simply said and moved in to place a chaste kiss to her lips, but stopped an inch, waiting for her permission.  
Erin didn't think twice and closed the gasp between them. Her armes around his neck she pulled him closer, Jay lost his ballance and fell onto her. "Ouch!" She protested but he kept kissing her.   
　  
The ground was hard beneth her but Erin couldn't care less. She was in the moment and the heat that radiated from his body mixed with hot desire was all she cared about. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer into her. She could feel the bulge in his pants on her center, he circled his hips and gave pressure to it. She felt her own orgasm building up slowly as he continued his torture.  
　  
Her fingernails dug into his skull down over his back, holding his ass pressing him more into her. She felt him putting little lovebites on her neck to her collarbone. Her back arched upwards as she got closer.   
　  
The sounds she made were driving him crazy, he was so hard it hurt, he knew she was close and that was the reason he didn't loose his pants and ram his dick right into her tight and already wet pussy. He held back, his lips caressing every inch of skin he was able to reach from the angle they were in.   
　  
There she was, lying under a georgous man with abbs, having one of the best orgasms she can remeber and still wearing her clothes. She was the luckiest girl in the world. Erin smiled into their heated kiss after coming down from her high. Her whole body still shaking, she was holding on to him tight.   
　  
He could feel her whole body stiften before she reached her high. The sounds she made would forever be branded in his mind. He let her come down and hold onto him. Erin's soft lips captured his and he let himself get lost in the kiss.   
　  
"What is so funny?" He looked at her, making a funny face. 

"Nothing." She answered lightly.  
　  
He stood up and held out his hand to help her up too. Erin looked at him questiningly. Without telling her first he lifted her up and carried her to the nearest surface he could find in the dark and placed her on top of it.   
　  
After all they ended up lying on the red fluffy carpet. Every fiber of her body felt on fire. The weight of Jay's body held her down. She felt his fingertips striking every inch of her body, exploring every curve, every birthmark. The way she dug her fingernails into his skin would leave marks, but the only thing she noticed and cared about was Jay's tounge that slid further down to her navel. His big hand embranced her breast and squeezed it. Erin's back arched upwards, she tried pulling him back up, she wanted to feel his lips on hers, wanted to feel him inside of her again. Burrying her right hand in his hair pulling him up. "Need you now..." She wispered while her hand brushed his cheek.  
　  
Pushing slowly into her, he watched her eyes roll back and her hips press upwards. Her curly brown hair was spread around her beautiful face on the pillow. He pumped into her slowly but with force, over and over again. Erin's body withed under him. Her hips crushed into his, the sound of hitting skin mixed with loud moans filled the room. Jay increased the speed. The body under him was shaking, she was close again, he felt her scrartching his ski, his name on her lips made him loose control a little. He pushed harder, faster until she came, her thight pussy milking him for all he got. Tired he let himself down on her, burying his head in her neck, breathihng heavy.

"If that is what love feels like, I want more!" Erin said carefully into the dark.

She felt his smile on her skin before he responded. "You got it! Just not now, I'm too tired for another round." He closed his eyes, his eyelashes brushed over her skin what got her giggeling under him. 

"But first thing tomorrow." The moment she finished she noticed him lifting his head. He looked at her and a small grin surrounded his lips. "I created a monster."

Erin punched him slightly on his upper arm. "You wish!"

"No, you wish." He answered playfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave us comments and kudos guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys had enjoy this two hands story!  
> Leave us your comments and kudos guys!


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